Spring Break with the daughter

With spring break starting today, I am looking forward to taking my daughter and her friend to Florida again this year along with my mother. This is one of those times we get to just hang out and catch up, from the ride down there and the ride back to the time in between. When you are on vacation (or at least when I am on vacation), what I expect is to be able to relax and spend time with my family. This year we are going to be visiting some family in New Smyrna Beach for a few days and hang out at their house on the beach. My aunt and uncle have a windjammer, parasail and a boat that we are going to be able to use while we are there. None of us have used a windjammer or a parasail but I’m sure it will definitely provide memories for us. The photo moments alone will capture the moments of us trying to learn this together and I’m sure they will show the fun we will have while doing this. We are also going to be visiting Universal Studio’s Adventureland themepark and The Holyland in Orlando, FL. Again, I know this is going to keep us busy but we are going to be busy together.

Recession and the Single Mom

Although every one has been affected in one way or another over the last few years in the recession, it seems as though single moms are even more affected than most. The excerpt below is part of an article written by Megan Carpentier of The Washington Independent. (http://washingtonindependent.com/78683/the-recession-came-for-single-moms-too). This is just a portion of the information was pulled from a feature written by the U.S. Department of Labor on The Bureau of Labor Statistics website (http://www.bls.gov/cps/cpswp2008.pdf ).

*The Bureau of Labor Statistics released a report that showed the unemployment rate for married women at 6.1 percent, while that of single women “who maintain families,” reached a whopping 11.6 percent — 68 percent higher than when the recession began. Add to that the fact that women, as a whole, earn only 77 cents for every dollar a man brings home, and you find many single women whose situation has gone from difficult to dire.

It’s hard enough on single moms to financially cover all basic expenses of a child(ren), plus the additional burdens left unspoken for by the dads. (If they didn’t this would all go against their credit because in most cases the mom is listed as the primary caregiver of the child(ren)). Now combine this with being laid off and that is whole other mess entirely. Statistics have shown that most women are currently making less than a man (77 cents to every dollar to be exact) so we actually start off with a financial disadvantage in the beginning, but with such a high percentage being laid off it has really taken a toll on the single mom and the children. Even with the grants issued by Obama for the single mom to go back to school, what income do they have coming in while they are in school?

Back in School

This past year I was laid off due to the bad economy so I thought I would make great use of my free time and I enrolled myself back into school. And though I am receiving an unemployment check I am still actively looking for full-time employment. The downside of this is that when I find a full-time job I will be working 8-5 then coming to class in the evenings. Right now I am just a part-time student trying to complete the rest of my pre-requisites before applying into the Respiratory Therapy program. Once I enroll, and am accepted to, I will be taking a full course load. This means work and school nonstop for fifteen months.....where am I going to squeeze in time with my daughter? Does this make me a bad parent? Several questions that I am still asking myself!!

Dating as a Single Mom

A single mom always has her plate full with trying to be both mom and dad to their children, on top of working, maintaining the house, helping with homework, and extra-cirricular and afterschool activities. Now throw dating into the equation, this takes things to a whole new level. When dating a single mom spontaneity is definitely out of the question. A mom always has to work around either a babysitter or shared custody times with the father of the child(ren). And financially, a single mom most of the time can not afford to go as she raising her family with only one income and most babysitters request to be paid for their service (unless you are lucky enough to have family or friends who will do this for free).

And when a single mom finally begins dating again there are so many new things she has to ponder, such as: who should you date, what are their values, how are they with children, do your kids like them, where will you find the time to go out on a date, etc... Searching for someone who respects and loves both you and your child is very hard to find……at least in the sense that I think it should be and have been lucky enough to find. My personal point of view always was: if you don’t get along with or don’t want anything to do with my child or have disrespect towards her in any way then I refuse to have anything to do to with you, as I would assume most moms would (or should) be! This is strictly the personal preference of each mom. Nevertheless, I am very particular of who is and is not allowed to meet my daughter. And there has only been two guys over the last twelve years that I have deemed good enough and I am currently still with the second.

So just because you are a single mom you shouldn't let your love life end. It may be temporarily placed on the backburner but you should always be able to rekindle it when you are comfortable enough to do so!!!

Responsibilities of the Single Mom

For a single mother, motherhood is like the two sides of a coin - while you have the joys and the bliss of being around your child, the difficulties and the stress associated with it, cannot be ruled out as well. Being a single mother is probably the most difficult aspect of life. Whether a woman is a single mom by choice or because of getting divorced or by God's will, it is very hard to play the role of a both the parents. Remember, a child needs the love, care, concern, attention and adoration from both the parents. If you are a single mother, you alone have to shoulder the responsibility.

The absence of the benignant influence of a male role model runs high in the life of a small kid. However, do not let this fact bore you down. Being a single parent does not make you less lovable. It just means that you have more responsibilities than before. All you need to do is be strong and learn to face the harsh realities of life with poise. Do not forget, you can play both the roles just perfectly - just have full faith and belief in your self.

Teenage Pregnancies

“16 and Pregnant” - One of MTV’s recently created new show about single teenage moms. The point of the show is to follow several girls from different backgrounds and geographical locations that are 16 years of age and are either pregnant or have just had a baby. When I first heard about this show I kept thinking: “wow, what a great way to show kids why abstinence is the best method of birth control”, but boy was I in for a rude awakening.

As I first watched this show with my daughter, I tried to explain to her all of the trials and tribulations that these kids will have to go through as a young, single parent. However, when about 75% of the episodes show the 16-year old’s parents taking care of the “unexpected” children it makes me second guess letting her watch it. The grandparent’s are buying their children new cars and babysitting the baby so that the moms can go out with their friends. I’ve seen very distraught episodes where these teenagers are threatening to take the babies away from the grandparents and never letting them see them again if they don’t comply with their wishes, and of course the grandparents give in to their demands. Most episodes are very disturbing, but yet you still have 25% of these episodes that are “real life” episodes. The teen moms are with their babies almost all of the time with the exception of school and work and you see the struggles that they have to go through. Most cry because it is emotionally and financially draining for them and the biological fathers are not around to help them out. These are the episodes that I want my child to really watch and be able to empathize with.

Although I was 22 years old when Taylor was born, I still continue to use myself as an example of what not to do. She was almost 3 when her father and I seperated, and luckily I had a good job and an amazingly supportive family or it would have been a very difficult process for us. Nevertheless, she does see the struggles I’ve had over the last 14 months since I was laid off from the job I had for almost 13 years. What I want for my daughter to understand is that she needs to take the appropriate steps through life. Finish high school, graduate from college, work a few years and travel the world before you settle down and get married, then (around the age of 30) If you are financially, emotionally and physically secure then you should plan on having children.

Taylor always has always been a sick child. In and out of the hospital her first 3 years of life, however, out of all of the experiences, it was the very first one that I remember most vividly.

January 1st, 1996 - Taylor was three months old on the evening I had to rush her to the University of Kentucky's emergency room. Her tiny little chest was skipping breaths and her nose was so stuffed up, it was like she couldn't get any ventilation through her airways. Upon arriving, Taylor was immediately rushed back while I was left up front to complete the required paperwork. As soon as I was able to go back the nurse lead me to her location. When I drew back the curtain and saw her hooked up to all of the machines I was in shock. Tears poured down my face as I began to hyperventilate. One of the many nurses that was working on her took me aside to explain that everything they were doing was only a precautionary measure since she was so young. With this explanation I was able to calm down enough to go and soothe my daughter. After numerous amounts of testing, Taylor was diagnosed with an illness called RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus)............


After dealing with this particular instance it was then that I knew what I wanted to be a Respiratory Therapist, which is why I currently back in school!

When you think they need you the most....

When my daughter was a baby I knew she needed me to survive. I had to feed her, dress her, bathe her, give her medicine when she was sick, change her diapers, etc....pretty much everything she needed I was the one who was there to make sure she got it. As she got older she did become more independent, she learned to feed herself, dress herself and she eventually was potty-trained so I didn't have to even change her diapers. However, with this growth and independence came a new set of worries and needs.

In grade school you have to worry about teaching your child how to read, write and do arithmetics and to play nicely with others around them. This is also the time when you begin to worry about how polite or impolite your child is, if they are respectful or disrespectful? This the period you really start teaching them what kind of person they should be, and it all begins with how they view you, and how you treat them and others around you. Parents have the greatest impact on their child(ren).

However, it is the middle-school years when they are really being molded. It is at this time they are "coming into their own", trying to figure out where their place is in this world. Some kids are so mean to others that they make them feel as they don't belong, especially if you have the wrong look. Kids are most influential at this time so this will, without a doubt, have a negative impact on them. But on the other hand, if you have the "right look", it will result in a more positive boost to your self-esteem.

And then comes the high school years! This can be a wonderful time and a horrible time all in one! It is at this point when "they" think they are independent enough to handle things on their own, and "you" have to be able to allow and trust them to have their freedom to do so. Yet it is also the time your child will need you the most. You need be the one who is their friend AND their parent. All kids need discipline to keep them on the right track and it is our responsibility to do so. Punish them when they are out of line, make them do their homework when they don't want to and don't allow them to run around with the wrong crowds, no matter how much they want to. They may not like you for this because they want to do things their way, but they will learn to understand and appreciate you for it. And we still need to be affectionate towards them so they know that they have someone they can run to, and talk to when they are having a bad day. The high school years are the years that your childs character is formed. Treat them with respect and they will (eventually) respect you in return.

The daughter:

The beginning:

My life changed on 09/28/95, the day my daughter was born. This was the most joyful, yet scariest day of my life. An ending of one era and the beginning of another, a day that I would never forget, nor do I ever want to. No one ever tells you how hard it is to be a single mom, or how much you would give up to do this, but it was all definitely worth it. The first time you hold your child you know that there is nothing you wouldn't do to protect them. It is then that you realize that they are your life!